Winter, Loneliness and the First Year in Canada

Nobody warns you properly about the light. The cold, yes; everybody mentions the cold. But it is the four o'clock darkness that does the damage. You leave for work in the dark, you come home in the dark, and the country you left, where it is warm and loud and full of people who know your name, feels less like a place you came from and more like a place you have been sentenced away from.

If that is where you are, we want to say a few things plainly.

First, it is real and it is common. Many newcomers describe the first winter as the hardest months of their lives, and most describe the second as noticeably easier. The body adjusts. So does the calendar; by the second year you have a church, a barber, a shop, a group chat, a routine, and the darkness has things in it.

Second, loneliness makes poor decisions look reasonable. It is in the first winter that people move in with someone they met in October, send money to someone they have never met, or accept treatment they would have laughed at in Lagos. Dating can be a genuine comfort in this season; it can also become a way of grabbing at warmth. The difference is speed. Go at the pace you would go at in summer.

Third, use the community that is already here. Every city has associations, churches, mosques, cultural groups, and a WhatsApp group for people from your town. They are not glamorous and they are exactly what the first winter needs: people who will notice if you do not come on Sunday. Being known is the cure for the dark.

Fourth, take the practical steps everyone recommends and nobody takes. Vitamin D from the pharmacy. A daylight lamp on the desk. A walk at lunchtime, whatever the temperature. Proper boots. Sleep. They sound trivial. In February they are the whole difference.

And if it goes beyond low, if you are not sleeping, not eating, not able to imagine March, please speak to someone. Your doctor, a counsellor, a pastor or imam you trust, a friend from home. In Canada you can call or text 9-8-8 at any hour.

The country does get lighter. Give it until the clocks change, and be gentle with yourself until then.